we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
