If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
