Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
