DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
