Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
