so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
