Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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