ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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