I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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