every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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