My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
