you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
