normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
