I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
