In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
