We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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