Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i out mim tonsoeep
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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