margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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