So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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