So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
