Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
