New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
