I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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