Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
