The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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