I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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