Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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