It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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