I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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