There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
