I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
