I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
