I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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