covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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