Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
