Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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