You're completely useless in the revolution.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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