Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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