There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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