I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
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How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
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Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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