come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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