i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
