Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
