Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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