...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
