May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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