I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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