The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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