tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
