take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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