I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
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Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
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My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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