You're my little dorito
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
