loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
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Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
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Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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