im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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