she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
