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Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We were destined to go to rehab together
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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