Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
