how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
