so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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