my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
