Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
