yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
