dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
