Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I stole a fireplace last night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
