there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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