You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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