i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
