Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
