the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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