The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
