May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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